This really upset me, so I tried not to care or bring up it up.However, since we’ve been dating and I continue to frequent the bar, there have been some red flags. You were aware enough to realize that you’re dating a bartender.What bothers me is that when I casually bring up the fact that it takes him 5 hours to text or call me back, he tells me I’m flipping out.
Since the birth of social media sites and, in particular, Instagram, I know when and how long ago he was active and on his phone.
I don’t mention this to him because I know this is somewhat insane behavior.
Therefore, you have two choices: If you’re with a guy who does NOT really like you, does NOT want to be a boyfriend, and does NOT see himself as a husband one day, it doesn’t matter how cool you are or how jealous you are; you’re just wasting your time. Find a guy who doesn’t have a profession which requires him to flirt and be surrounded by other women. This is almost the identical situation to this post from a few weeks back (What Is the Definition of Monogamy? But your bigger problem is that you’re dating a young bartender who doesn’t see you as anything serious and you’re expecting him to hop to attention when you call. If he acted like this and he was married then sure I would agree.
This time when I went to kiss him goodbye, he pulled away from me like the plague and told me in this sort of coy and charming way to wait until I see him tomorrow. If that bartender is in his 20’s like you, it’s a really safe bet that he’s in no rush to get married, and so he will continue to keep a roster of women at his access. It does mean however, that his girlfriend is going to be the cool girl who makes him want to be a better man – not the one who spies on his Instagram account.
He can text any of them when he gets bored/horny/lonely and whoever responds, responds. And that’s where your tendencies – the ones you admitted in your last line – are going to trip you up. And that’s the source of my advice – what kind of woman would I want to be with?
I’m 23 years old and I fear that I may be the product of my overly exploited-social media obsessed-generation. Most people would view this as a faux pas and even cringe a little at this statement. We’ve been dating for about a month and shortly after we first had sex I found him creating distance between us.
I’ve been following your blog for quite a while now and even share some of your tips on my radio show (I always credit and cite you). This is not really what concerned me – in fact I expected that.
Given his current profession, there are always going to be women, flirting and all of the stuff that would drive a woman insane. The one that sticks out and still bothers me is when one night I went to visit him and after a couple of drinks I decided to leave. Yes, you’re being the stereotypical insecure woman. Bartenders are often cute guys who work late hours and pick up women at last call.
Usually when I leave we kiss or do something sweet. I asked him what the problem was and finally he admitted that at the other end of the bar a woman he had hooked up with in the past was sitting amongst mutual friends and he didn’t want her to say anything. They are around drunk women all the time and can often get together with whomever they want, at will. This doesn’t mean that he will not eventually end up with a girlfriend.
Doesn’t matter if you’re dating a bartender or a saint. He may be less charismatic than your bartender, but he’ll be earnest, relationship-oriented, and single-minded in his attraction to you. No lectures for not replying to texts when you want him to. No freaking out that he’s got a past with other women. Now this does NOT mean that you should turn a blind eye to a man who is a player, a cheater, and a narcissistic jerk. So, Kristina, if you are with a guy who really likes you, who wants to be a boyfriend, and who sees himself as a husband one day – the ONLY way to deal with him is to trust him and not micromanage him.
You are acting from a place of fear and insecurity and you’re paying the price for it. This is the man you should probably date and marry based on your natural insecurities. If you insist that you want to be with a confident, flirtatious, charismatic guy, you had better put all your fears aside and start trusting. If you’re with a guy who does NOT really like you, does NOT want to be a boyfriend, and does NOT see himself as a husband one day, it doesn’t matter how cool you are or how jealous you are; you’re just wasting your time. A guy is considered a loser because he doesn’t commit to one girl?