You also probably shouldn’t tell each other about your most traumatic childhood memories or discuss your collection of rare cheeses or — I can’t believe I have to say this — drop the L-bomb. Plus, I already kind of know this guy because we’ve been in the same small group for the last three weeks.” Here’s a thought . More importantly, who made this rule about only dating the man you’re going to marry? What type of ministry do you see yourself going into?
Biblically speaking, no one dated, so it’s not covered in the Good Book. “I am physically attracted to you, but before we go on our first date I need to be sure that we will eventually get married. ” That guy would run screaming in the other direction — I know I would. Even if you don’t say that out loud, guys can tell that’s what you’re thinking. When you run into Joe from your Bible study at the coffee shop and instantly start mapping out your lives together, he can tell.
I dated a bunch of Christian men I was miserable dating. Here are some other factors to consider: Do you balance each other out? I had enough of a Christian-college filter (despite thinking I had escaped without one) that when my husband and I first started dating, I was initially concerned that he hadn’t brought up his commitment to Jesus or tried to lead us in prayer before we held hands.
So stop looking for your future husband and look for a date instead. What makes up a good marriage, the type of joy-filled marriage that people see and think, “When I grow up I want a relationship that looks like that” are a couple of things. These two things are almost equally important — with commitment to Jesus edging out the other by a nose.
I know I’m really blowing the lid off the whole “Only go on a date with a man you intend to marry” thing that’s popular in Christian circles, but stay with me. But there are plenty of non-Christians who also have great marriages, so clearly the mutual respect and enjoyment of your spouse is a pretty big deal.
I knew he was a Christian and with time I realized that he just wasn’t flaunting his Christianity.
And the truth is, talking about those deep and personal spiritual truths on a first date has a way of making you feel invested before you actually are. On your first date, you probably shouldn’t talk about your greatest spiritual revelations. “But how will we know if God wants us to get married if we don’t talk about Jesus? if you’re in daily communication with the Lord, talk about it with him rather than trying to sort it out yourself in some colossal, way-too-early DTR.
Most of us ladies have had our dream wedding and everything about it planned out since we were six — including the groom, the ring (a tasteful two-carat, emerald-cut diamond set in platinum, thank you!), the starlit evening, and the honeymoon in Spain.But we need to take a step back and stop reviewing that fantasy every time we meet a new guy.I know this is counterintuitive, but sometimes the harder you look for your future spouse, the more you creep out every guy at your Bible study. And two, two people who actually like and respect each other.Yet there is this odd rumor going around that the only important characteristic to look for in a future husband is that he’s a believer. If that’s your only requirement, you could just pick one Russian Roulette-style from the enormous pool of Christian men.You don’t want to do that, because being a Christian isn’t all that matters. Marrying someone who doesn’t understand you, wants totally different things out of life than you, or doesn’t share any interests with you is a recipe for at best, a very discordant marriage and at worst, a divorce.